Goblins

Imagine there is a goblin inside you, sitting resting his back on your stomach. He’s about a foot tall with really long arms,  green skin and big teeth.

Artists (i.e. my) impression of the cause of Goblinitis

 

 

Now Goblins are pretty lazy, so most of the time he’s asleep, but every now and then he wakes up, when you’re stressed your increased heartbeat wakes him up too.  When he’s sleeping you wouldn’t even know he was there, but when he wakes up he wants to play*, and goblin’s ideas of fun isn’t the same of ours.  What he does for fun is tie your organs and tubes together, a favourite is a kidney and an ovary, or wrapping your fallopian tubes around your womb then knotting you ovary’s together. The goblin is also hungry so he knaws at your insides, squeezing and clawing you to soften you up a bit. He can be awake and hungry anything from 2 hours to 2 days.

I have goblinitis, except the doctors don’t seem to know why I have a goblin. I’ve had so many blood tests recently I have track marks and look like a heroin addict. I’ve been refereed to dieticians, surgeons and had what seems like a billion scans and xrays. I’ve been singed off work for 2 weeks and I’m due to go back on Monday, however, just thinking about it wakes the goblin up again.

* He also stretches out to his full size making you look and feel like you’re about to give birth.

I aintent dead, but my computer is.

Apologies for the lack of posts, I have been sans computer and laptop for several weeks as they both decided to die on me within a half hour of each other. Which led to several weeks of me almost tearing  hair out in frustration, luckily my Blackberry kept me going, but it’s the methadone to my computer habit, just not as good.

My laptop is still in the shop, and my old computer was properly dead, so I am writing this from a shiny new PC which I am very excited about. What this means is that the next week or so is going to be a random collection of posts about things as and when I remember what happened or what I planned to write about. So bare with me and I’m sorry for the radio silence.