Blood, sweat & tears

Sorry I’ve been quiet dear readers, I’ve been doing all that new home owner stuff, painting, decorating, nearly dying, schlepping furniture. Oh yeah, that nearly dying thing… Well the good news is I no longer have any tonsils, the bad news is that a day procedure that should have seen me in and out in about 6 hours ended up being a week long stay in hospital.

Every-thing’s grand going into theatre, though the anaesthetist had a test of his skill finding a vein to plug in to, but no bother, and when the surgeon starts, everything looks good, left tonsil out, right tonsil out, small problem a rather large abscess behind my right tonsil (probably the reason I’ve had almost constant tonsillitis). Surgeon decided it has to come out and slices away, it’s a bit bigger than he thought and doesn’t stop bleeding, until I loose 3 units of blood, after 2 units they send a sample down to type and cross-match for a transfusion. The lab kick up a fuss as someone got mixed up and the date of birth on the sample of blood doesn’t match my files. Luckily my kick-ass surgeon gets the bleeding under control and they decide to just keep me on fluids. I wake up 3 hours later than expected, covered in bruises and dressings on my arms, wrists, hands, ankles and feet from where they tried to get lines in and kept failing miserably. The nurse in recovery tells what happened, I’m still off my tits from the general anaesthetic, so the fact I almost died doesn’t really sink in. The nurse helps me put my piercings back in, given the trouble we have with my Munroe (it takes us about 15 minutes between us) I comment “It’s a good job I don’t still have my clit pierced!” “I’d have fun explaining that to my lady wife.” He replies, we had a right good giggle and flirt though, general anaesthetic obviously lowers my inhibitions.

This is all followed by an over-night stay in hospital, after which all is declared well & I’m sent away home, in less than 24 hours I’m back in hospital, my throat is so swollen I can’t swallow my own saliva and I’m making a very fun rattling noise when I breathe. Back to hospital I’m whisked, to spend the next day being prodded by ENT doctors and hooked up to drips. I can’t swallow still so I get my pain killers and a course of anti-biotics intravenously. A few days into my second hospital stay I start to cough rather spectacularly, so spectacularly in-fact half of my throat gets coughed up. I dare anyone to have done a better Exorcist impersonation. I was literally projectile coughing blood, lots and lots of blood, and chunks of dressing and throat. It certainly woke the nurses at the end of their night-shifts up at 6am. It also seriously impressed the consultant when I had a second bout in the afternoon, I coughed so hard I burst the stitches my surgeon had so meticulously patched up my ravaged throat with, hence the excessive amounts of blood.

They keep me in for another few days, by which point I’m going a bit mad stuck in a general sort of assessment ward, everyone else is whisked off to various specialist wards, while I’m stuck there as they haven’t quite decided what to do with me yet. I ask when I’ll be discharged, in a few days they say, another bleed like the one I had and I’d need to go back into theatre. This does not impress me, I can feel the obstructions that had made me cough in the first place are gone (it was the dressings), I’m still coughing up bits of throat that have scabbed over, but that’s par for the course post-tonsillectomy. The swelling in my throat has all but disappeared thanks to the anti-biotics, I decide against much medical advice to discharge myself from hospital, being there is driving me mad, it’s not good for my mental health, or my IBS. Oh and the worst thing about having your tonsils out; I can’t purr or roll my r’s any more! I’m devastated. Apparently I will learn to do these things again, I am not convinced or overly impressed…

I spend the next few weeks living off ice-cream, coughing up gunk and feeling sorry for myself. My throat is almost healed now, though it and my nose aren’t really sure what to do with themselves sans tonsils, I have be careful drinking as if I take too big a gulp half of it goes up my nose and I end up dribbling my drink from my nostrils. It looks oh-so sexy. I also can’t blow or suck very well (no sniggering at the back) I can’t breath just through my mouth, I end up breathing through my nose as-well. So if, for instance, I’m drinking a drink with a straw I end up snorting and making a delightful pig-like noise if I’m not careful. Having a tonsillectomy does wonders for your self-image I tell you.

I do have more stories to tell but alas the removal men are here tomorrow and I need to be up early, once I’m finally moved in I should be able able to update more, and despite my brush with death I’m rather chipper at the moment as one part of my life at least seems to be sorting itself out, namely the house.