Three’s a crowd

Insert usual apologies for lack of blogging. As usual a combination of health issues and running around like a blue arsed fly, for someone who’s unemployed I have an oddly small amount of spare time… Anyway on to the important stuff*…

The most excitement I suppose has been my love life, much maligned on these pages, but currently blooming into something rather new and unexpected. It’s all gone a bit poly. I’ve always said poly it’s not for me, no problem with the concept but I’m too insecure to cope with it. TakenBoy is no longer taken, well except possibly by me, he finally ended it with his (very) long term girlfriend and right now we’re… Complicated. Without wanting to put too much of a label on it, we’re lovers, which I’m more than happy with. We’re a definite couple and acting like it in public and everything! We’ve had a few issues, I don’t mind him sleeping with others, but there are certain people I’d much rather he didn’t, but we’re working it out. We’re both new to this and every single, lets just call them “non-monogamous “couples””, have their own brand of poly/non-monogamy, we’re still working out what ours is.

Next in line we have SugarDaddy, so called from a joke that had a slight ring of truth to it. He is older than me, and does tend to buy me things but he’s certainly not rich and I’m definitely not in it for the money. We met LARPing (yeah I got dragged into that by one of my tenants), I don’t actually remember the first time we met, it was dark and an assassin had just snuck into our camp**. His first thoughts of me were I was “Cute, blue & bolshy.”*** We ended up talking on facebook and flirted and got close, then at the next event he spent the night’s in my tent, I soaked the blankets covering the blow-up bed, we got a standing ovation from the rest of the LARPers from him spanking me & my noises in response. Oh at the next event he partially dislocated my hip during sex and I ended up in A+E, this has led to a nick-name of “smasher” amongst my LARP buddies, which I daren’t tell him for fear of how embarrassed he’ll get about it! He’s never been interested in poly, but when I met him I was already involved with TakenBoy & someone who doesn’t have a psydonym yet. He knew how complicated my love life was and that there were other men I cared dearly for and that I was a working girl. But again love just blossomed, at first I didn’t know if I fancied him or was just grateful for the attention, but after that first time, I knew I did like him, for real and it’s just kept going. I find him really hard to read a lot of the time, and we sometimes argue, he’s not had the best past in relationships and he lives on the other side of the country but we’re muddling along, in fact he’s up tomorrow for a long weekend I intend to spend most of the weekend giving my bed a run for it’s money.

Finally we have the one without a pseudonym yet… *thinks*… Let’s call him FickleBoy, as we’ve been on and off more times than a hot tap. In all fairness to him, he’s snowed under with university work, and doesn’t have a car or much money, it’s not as easy for him to visit as SugarDaddy, and as I’m equally skint I can’t visit him. We don’t talk for weeks, then we talk all the time and he tells me how much he loves me and that he’s finally found someone to spend the rest of his life with. And sometimes he’s fine with the poly, then he’s not and wants me to himself. To which my reply is, “you’ll have to work for it”, he often expects everything and gives nothing. I care about him I really do, and I know he cares about me, but gods he’s a poor way of showing it! I’m not going to go into the details ‘cos you’ll all get bored to death (that is if you’ve not wondered off already).

But I’m in love, I’m happy and life’s not too bad akshully…

 

* though I may get distracted by the awesomeness of Magnum PI.

** I’m not even going to try and explain further.

*** I was rocking blue hair at the time.

Nothing

Housemate: “So what happened with you & TakenBoy last night then?”

Minx: “Erm, nothing…”

First time I’ve been able to say that and not be lying though my teeth. TakenBoy is… Complicated. He’s taken obviously, and was living with his long term girl-friend*, however, he is poly, their relationship is not. He is also unhappy, our group of friends is constantly asking when he’s going to end it. He’s in a D/S relationship with a mutual friend and I first met him there. I wasn’t interested in him at all, he seemed a nice guy but not my type at all. We occasionally saw each other at various gatherings and got on but still I wasn’t attracted to him. He was too short, too skinny, too pretty & baby-faced and 99% of the time a sub. I like my men tall, dark and rugged who will pin me against a wall.

Our mutual friends had a house-party for the eurovision, he ended up standing behind me and stroking my hair & neck ( nothing special we’re a very touchy-feely group) I stared to play bite & nibble whenever his hand came into reach, play bites turned into sucking and nibbling, then he was kissing me. Suddenly it was “oooh I like this guy!”. We did nothing more than kiss and we didn’t managed to get together again for ages, then we ended up having a foursome with my house-mate and another friend. A while late we spent the night together, no sex again but lots of other things.

All of a sudden things cooled off, he wasn’t returning my texts and when he did he dodged any questions about coming over. I finally snapped, got really upset and told him that I wasn’t going to try any more and if he didn’t want to see me he didn’t have to. “The reason I don’t reply is that the idea of coming over and spending the night is just too temping.” We talked and it boiled down to he didn’t want to get tangled up in anything else and just wanted to sort his head out and decided what the hell he was going to do with his life. Which is fair enough, but I told him off for not just saying from the beginning, which would have saved a lot of trouble.
We’ve seen each other a few times since then, he’s helped me out with the house, and the odd pub quiz. But we finally got to spend some time alone last night. I wasn’t expecting him to stay over, but after dinner and games we ended up snuggeled up in bed watching Hot Fuzz. Though at one point I ended up pinned to the bed, it was actually innocent (at least on the face of things) but it really turned me on. As it was half one in the morning by the time the film finished he ended up staying over. There was more snuggles, tickles, kisses & nibbles, it wasn’t intentional, just instinct, then suddenly we remembered we were supposed to behave. So we did. For about 5 minutes.  About every 20 minutes we’d remember the behaving thing again and stop.  The same happened in the morning when we woke up, ironically the closest we came to anything was after he’s got dressed and was about to leave.

It was the worst night I’ve spent in a long time. “I’m literally aching for you.” I whispered, his only reply was and understanding sigh and to hold me tightly. All night was like that, wanting nothing more than to have him and knowing he felt the same way**.

Having someone to hug me and snuggle with was wonderful, but that frustration, that was hell. As his friend I don’t want to get in the way of his happiness or mess things up. As a woman I want him, I don’t care what it takes. I don’t want to loose my friendship but gods above I need someone right now.

* She had to move about half-hour away for work.

** If I was him I suspect I would have passed out from lack of blood to the brain if you get my meaning.

Taken

I’m guessing this has happened to a few of you but it’s still a weird feeling and one I feel the need to explore, there is a person in my life, a friend, and I know if he wasn’t with his girlfriend he’s be with me, he just happened to meet me after her, if it had happened the other way around maybe she would be writing something like this.

We talked about it between ourselves, and we both agree on the matter, so it’s not just me going all bunny boiler on someone, and I’m not about to go take her out with a rifle or anything! It’s just when ever we talk there’s this little nagging feeling, especially when we flirt or mess about, a feeling of “you should be mine”. I’m happy to talk with him about his relationship and about her, she’s a lovely girl and he loves her a lot. But weirdly I’d say me and him were more compatible than him and her.

He wants to marry her, he’s planning on proposing within the next year or so, and part of me if made up for him he’s obviously happy and I want my friends to be happy. The other part of me is regretful, I suppose, wondering what might have been and if we could have spent the rest of our lives together and had kids and such. I know he thinks about it to.

And I struggle, I want to chase after him, give it all I’ve got and steal him from her, but clichéd as it is, I also don’t want to spoil our friendship. What makes it more difficult is the fact we have done things we shouldn’t have together, we find it hard not to touch each other and so I keep thinking “Would it be all that hard to get him?”.

Maybe in a alternate universe we’re together, and in others we never met, and one shouldn’t dwell too much on this sort of thing, or you’ll end up questioning every decision you’ve ever made. But I’d be intrigued to hear what others have done in this situation did you chase or leave well alone? Despite the fact we’ve known each other for over a year now I’m still deciding what to do, or not as the case may be.

Holy hoors Batman!

I have 2 phones now, my regular phone, and what I call my hoor phone. When my hoor phone rings or beeps it’s like the Bat phone, I leap into action, well, more sort of stumble, and see who wants my amazing super-heroine blow-job skills and when. In my head I hear the batman spinning logo music when it beeps.

I really need to get this as my text alert on my phone, I can’t find it anywhere unadulterated though… I may also need to get the 60’s Batman theme as my ring-tone on my hoor phone… Just to make the job a little more fun. Or maybe the wonder-woman theme?

“I wanted to ask you if, among other things, you would use me as your “horsie””

… You know that whole escorting thing I talked about in a previous post… Well I’m now officially, as it were, a hoor. The title to this post is an extract from a potential clients email.

Tonight I turned my first trick, and it’s weird, I wasn’t at all nervous getting ready or driving over there, it didn’t seem weird or stilted. It felt really quite natural. The client was a lovely chap, older, not bad looking but obviously living alone, and as most escorts seem to find he wanted to spend his time pleasing me. I’ve been more nervous on dates, much more nervous. But like my driving just seems to have clicked now, this just seems to click too.

It’s not something I want to spend my life doing, but I love sex & I need money right now, and I’d *much* rather be doing this than working in McDonalds.

The guy who wants me to use him as a horsie, wants to spend 2 hours “worshipping” my body and he’s paying me for the privilege. Ummmm remind me why didn’t I do this before?!

This is not going to turn into a sex blog or the blog of an escort. This is still just me rambling away, the only difference is now, me also happens to get paid for sex, well that and I may have more interesting stories…

Benefiting…

I’m not well, mentally or physically. I have clinical depression, ultra-ultra rapid cycling and IBS (possibly endo). In my previous job I worked their for 6 months, within those 6 months I had 60 days off. That’s 2 weeks off per month. This is mainly because my ?IBS is stress related. If I get upset or someone argues with me or some-such I will be crippled with pain within minutes. So combine this with a boring job I hate, working with people who I have nothing in common with, who make me feel like a total freak and you have an unhappy tHornyMinx and therefore an ill tHornyMinx.

Following all this I decided I was going back to university, I had a taste of the real world and I didn’t like it, I was going back to academia. The plan was to get an MSc in Evolutionary Anthropology (to follow my MA in Celtic Civilisation and History) then get a PhD combining the 2, then lecture and give other folk pointless degrees. I love my subjects, they fill me with a passion palpable to anyone who asks me about them. So in 4 years I will be a productive (tax paying) member of society and I know how I’m going to get there.

I was on Job Seekers Allowance*, but I decided I would be better off on ESA, Employment Support Allowance, which is basically JSA but for people with disabilities and DLA, Disability Living Allowance. I have to apply for both, as I can’t be in full time education without being on DLA. Despite the fact my course is only 10 hours a week and I’m willing to find a part time job the system doesn’t support that. My course is full time if the university says it is never mind it’s only 10 hours a week, to do it part time would take me 2 years meaning I was draining the state of more money.

As part of getting ESA I have to be signed off work by my doctor, there is one small problem, my medical records have not arrived from my previous practice. I have lived here 3 months, signed up to my new GP’s immediately, and I’ve phoned my old GP’s and they no longer have them. So they are lost in the ether in-between PCT’s and I have no idea when they will arrive. Without my records my new GP’s will not refer me to the CMHT (which I have practically begged them to do, I know I’m far more unstable that I was), and will not sign me off work. Now I don’t ahve the problem with the second part of this so much, if I was a GP (who gave a damn) I wouldn’t sign off someone with only their word for their medical history.

Because of my sickness record I can’t get a job, so I though about escorting, I figure, I love sex, I’m single, why not get paid for it. I’ve never seen anything wrong with the line of work but I always figured as a “big girl” I’d never get any custom.  But in the past year or so my eyes have been opened a lot more to the sex industry, I have several friends who are dominatrices and/or escorts. They love their work, they weren’t forced into it and they make a hell of a lot more money that any other job with the same hours***. So I bit the bullet, googlelled local escort agencies and sent off applications for about 10. There are a lot more agencies out there but they either looked cheap or wanted girls of a specific dress size. I heard back from 3 within a few days, unfortunately one was to say my photos hadn’t worked could I send them again. Another only wanted in-call girls which I won’t do for several reasons**. The final seemed hopeful, nice website, good response to me, saying they thought I’d be popular.  But then it was once thing after another, their email went funny so we missed a meeting, then she couldn’t make it to where I lived and all sorts. I usually hate phone calls but though I’d ring them instead of texting then I’d get an immediate response and be able to sort a meeting out. No answer, I tried sever different times. I’m going to try again tomorrow but that’s it, I’ve got a horrible feeling they’ve decided I’m not worth the bother and aren’t answering my calls.

I filled in my DLA form and man that thing is a bitch, it’s deigned for people who have disabilities like being in a wheelchair not less obvious ones like mental health issues. I got a response from them and they refused it. This caused a lovely major depressive episode for me, along with the above paragraph’s problems. Apparently I’m not at risk of hurting myself, the fact I only made it home by luck, is I think evidence against this. I was praying for a car to hit me, just to take my problems away at least temporarily, I didn’t look while crossing any roads, just walked, and prayed.

So I have no benefits, I have no savings, I can’t get a job, one of my parents is retired and one is unemployed himself, so they can’t support me. What on earth am I supposed to do? As I’m studying my housing benefit will also stop when I start uni. So I have £300 rent p/m to pay, plus food so about another £100 a month if I’m really frugal, more like £150-£200. And then there’s going out, books, entertainment for myself, which isn’t stuff I need (well except the books, but I’m not a freaking monk) so lets say another £100 for that. That’s £600 a month, I have to magic out of nowhere.

I wonder how the criminal underclass do it. If I wanted to do nothing with my life except take drugs and be a baby factory I’d have loads of cash. But I have a plan and a reasonable career choice I’m willing to work for, but I need help to get there. Help I would easily pay back with the taxes/NI etc on a lecture’s income. But I can’t get that help because the system is broken.

And it’s breaking me too.

*That’s the basic unemployment benefit for any overseas visitors.

** Safety, privacy and my house-mate.

*** Local out-call rates are about £120 an hour, the agency takes some so lets say you walk off with £90 cash in hand for an hour’s work. If I got 10 hours work a week I could make almost a grand.

Baby got back

Well I still don’t know who/what was the reason for the sudden spike in readers and links from facebook, but there doesn’t seem to have been a follow up so screw it, I’m going to keep blogging here, I refuse to run hiding again.

In the past 2 months since I’ve moved my “count”* up by 4, I’m not sure what’s worse, that 2 of them were due to a threesome, that 2 are best friend’s or that it might be going up by 1 more tonight… Whatever it is I hope it’s a taste of what’s to come, as I’ve basically had a 2 year dry spell since my ex. I’ve had sex, but it’s been just occasional things with friends with benefits and I’d like my regular dose of sexy time please!

The good things are the other girl from the threesome lives up here, and one of the friends is moving much closer.

I’ve always defined my sexuality as “greedy”, I like pleasure, I’m a total hedonist and I don’t care where it comes from man or woman. But I always want to come home, as it were, to a man, hence why I don’t describe myself as bisexual. But I would totally go gay for this girl. She’s so amazingly sexy and like me and I have no idea how she finds me attractive, but I can’t help but fancy the pants off her.  Unfortunately she has a boyfriend and despite her attempts at persuasion he doesn’t even want a threesome** never mind the possibility of something more with the both of them (he is quite sexy). But she’s so lovely I’m happy for us to be freinds and maybe I can tempt her back into my bed.

It’s the second of the freinds who is a more interesting prospect for more sex and possibly even more so. We’d never met before, I obviously knew his friend, and we’d be meaning to meet for a long time. We were meeting in the evening and going out with his friends et al for his birthday, it was the one time I was close enough and he was free to meet. All day I kept finding myself smiling for no reason, well I knew the reason it was him. I text him “hmmmm I keep smiling to myself, not fair boy since when did you get under my skin without my noticing? Most unsporting.” he replied “Same to you missy, I keep getting random excitement”… We went back to his place as we had time before we were supposed to meet his freinds later and I needed to drop my stuff off. Somehow we ended up in bed, I really don’t know how, it just happened, no-one’s ever got me in bed so fast including my ex.

We had a really good night out, we headed back to a friends, me and him were sat in the back of the car, my hand reached across to his leg, he took it in one hand and laid the other on top. We didn’t say anything, just sat like that while his two other mates blethered away in the front of the car. I don’t know, I’m not going to count my chickens before they hatch but I do think there’s a possibility for something more than sex. If not then we can just have lots of sex.

In other news, I start uni soon, and I have a lot to do, I’m trying to sort out my benefits, as my last job made me so sick I ended up in hospital several times and was in almost constant pain and on a shed-load of very dangerous and additive drugs. So I’m going to try and get on incapacity or “employment and support alliance” as it’s called now, and I’m finally going to get myself re-refereed to the CMHT up here, which as my moods have been a zillion times worse I need to (Having said that I haven’t stopped smiling and bouncing since I saw the guy at the weekend)***.

I am now off to collapse in bed and watch True Blood as I’ve spent the last week schlepping across the country from one side to another several times. I hope I’ll soon have something to write about.

* Yeah, we’ve all got one, I’m not disclosing the total though.

** Crazy boy.

*** Wow all a nympho needs is sex and some affection and suddenly she’s not a mentalist… And I’m so damn soppy.